A big reason why I decided to get into education was because I felt like there was a massive waste of potential happening in schools that were under-educating poor children. Society was wasting genius by not investing in schools.
Wasted potential infuriates me. I was taught that this little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.
With that said, I’d like to induct a member into my personal Hall of Fame. My Hall of Fame may not be full of celebrities, but the world deserves to know their names.
Today, I am proud to recognize the funniest person I’ve ever met: Jared “The Mayor of Bushwick” Adams.
I’ve met a lot of funny people in my life, but none like Jared. He’s a large, animated, John Goodman-like figure whose conversational references range from politics to cyberpunk.
I’ve known the man for 12 years and I can say with certainty that I have never had a conversation with him in which I haven’t laughed. He oozes joy.
His Writing
Take some of his written work, for example. Just the name of one of his blogs, fuckyeahjaredadams.tumblr.com, is enough to let you know what time it is. In it, he reblogs Beyoncé, graphic novels, and his own Instagram.
He describes his personal blog, TLDR w/Dick Jared, as a place “of rollicking reviews and most enjoyable diversions” (a reference to one of his defunct blogs, ¡SOME MOST ENJOYABLE DIVERSIONS!). On his blog you can get a sense of his reflectiveness and taste for politics:
While I certainly carry the candle of the far-left acolyte, I’m afraid my rabies has mostly subsided, as I find myself here in my latter 20s. Bernie’s fangs haven’t put it back in me. Though, I assure you, the stuff was surging through these veins and frothing at my gums once upon a time. I have a retired Marxist guerrilla blog floating around on Yahoo! somewhere and a lifetime ban from the Daily Kos to prove it. I’m able to enjoy all this political stuff much more now than I used to. The idealistic vision of my American mirage is still there, unfortunately, but I think I’m much more realistic nowadays about what kind of outcome I should expect.
His Characters
Jared is the only person I know who has characters that he whips out from time to time for his own amusement. Take the aforementioned Dick Jared, for example, is a drunk uncle that dons robes during house parties and hosts Facebook cooking shows.
His Music
He started his music career in earnest once he got to college. A prolific artist, Jared would constantly bang out albums, mixtapes, and singles that he would perform live and sell locally.
But in a stroke of creative genius, Jared has reinvented himself by creating a number of musical analogues.
- Screwjack: Jared describes Screwjack as “Just your ordinary, run-o’-the-mill, ol’ fashioned Bushwick Country Club.”
- Bob Margarita: It turns out that Jimmy Buffett stole all of his music from a man named Robert Singleton (AKA Bob Margarita). Bob Margarita’s music is kind of like Jimmy Buffett’s but way dirtier.
Robert Singleton, who lived under the name of Bob Margarita in his final years, was an enthusiastic lover of the beach and the ocean – both being passions he pursued up to and at the time of his death. Following a painful divorce and his homeless status that soon followed, Singleton sadly took his life on May 11th 2016 shortly after completing his 7th track for “The Bob Margarita Album,” all of which was recorded on his phone, which was recovered by the beach police upon discovery of his belongings. These seven songs stand as a stirring testament to the life of a man who lived by his own rules and who, more than anything, loved the beach and the ocean.
- Royal Coke: I don’t yet know the story behind Royal Coke, but I’m sure it’s hilarious. Introducing the latest album, he writes:
Friends, the time has come! Your summer soundtrack is here AT LAST. In my new musical capacity as ROYAL COKE, I have meticulously unlocked the scintillating sounds of summer to craft you an EP to score these sunny months as you navigate their abundant, balmy delights!! Check the link in the bio and have yourself a ball! My love, affection and gratitude, always, JMan.
No, the love, affection, and gratitude is all mine, JMan. Congratulations on your first-ballot induction into my Hall of Fame.
Cairn Thoughts 