In recent years it has become clear to me that beyond guilt, one of the other motivating factors for me is that I am eager to please. I like to be liked. I want people to find me agreeable, funny, dependable, and useful.
Like the guilt, this feeling has both positive and negative consequences. I’m not very confrontational and people can trust that no matter how stressful situations get, I tend to react in an even keel kind of way. If you ask most people who know me what they think of me, I surmise they will say positive things. I’m sure there are people I have pissed off and disappointed, but those who mainly see me that way are few in number.
On the flip side, I’m so eager to give people what they want that they don’t always know where I stand. Is Omar agreeing with me because he actually agrees or because he is just trying to be nice? This causes people to not trust me on a deeper level as much as they could and leads me to not know how I actually feel about things.
I started running 7 years ago and this has been a huge help for me in this area. I do it for my own good. I run by myself. I sign up for races and tell very few people about it. The training helps release energy and calm my mind. All of this has helped me know how I actually feel about things and not be so eager to just go along and get along.
Therapy has also been a huge help, but that’s another post for another day.