I love to go hiking. Spending time in the wilderness, where none of the constraints of modern life exist, is one of my favorite ways to refresh and reconnect.

One of the mainstays of the hiking culture is piling up rocks to let other hikers know they are going in the right direction. These piles of rocks are called cairns.

As I go through my travels, I look for cairns. Sometimes they are traditional cairns, piles of rocks that others have compiled. A lot of the time, cairns take the form of words from a mentor or actions from a colleague.

I have no idea where this journey is going to take me, but I’m confident that if I keep my eyes open I will see the cairns others have left before, letting me know that I’m going it the right direction. This blog chronicles my thoughts on those cairns.

In recent years it has become clear to me that beyond guilt, one of the other motivating factors for me is that I am eager to please. I like to be liked. I want people to find me agreeable, funny, dependable, and useful.

Like the guilt, this feeling has both positive and negative consequences. I’m not very confrontational and people can trust that no matter how stressful situations get, I tend to react in an even keel kind of way. If you ask most people who know me what they think of me, I surmise they will say positive things. I’m sure there are people I have pissed off and disappointed, but those who mainly see me that way are few in number.  Continue reading “Eager to Please “ →

I just went on a two week trip to Greece with my wife. It was an amazing experience and went super smoothly. Here are some tips I’ve picked up over the years that made the trip smooth: Continue reading “10 Travel Products I Love “ →

 

I find myself living with contradictory thoughts. Life is short. I should spend it doing the things I love.

Life is long. I should plan for how to spend it.

The contradiction I’m wrestling with most right now is “It is important to plan.” The opposite is also true: “It is important to act.”

In some sense, these two phrases are not contradictory. You can plan and then act. My problem is that I find myself often choosing between the two. I don’t want to act before I plan. I don’t plan because I don’t make it a priority. Therefore, things don’t move.

Take this blog, for example. I started writing on it in October 2015. It’s now June 2016. In that time, I’ve done fuck all to progress my vision of working on projects I’m moved by.

That’s a shame. It’s a story as old as the internet: someone starts a blog, writes in it for a little, then stops. I’m sure I have a LiveJournal account somewhere.

But I can’t be frozen by that anymore. I just have to act. This is the next step.

Last night I had a conversation with my therapist that made it clear that I was motivated by guilt.

This guilt has helped me be successful in some ways because I feel compelled to continue doing things I don’t feel like doing because I feel guilty about letting people down. As a result, I meet many of my obligations.

This feeling has also been a drag because it’s stopped me from taking actions that I want to. I stay in situations longer than I probably should.

The guilt inside me is insidious because it colors many of the other feelings I have.It’s hard to think of any other emotion that isn’t related to it.

I’d like to change this. Being motivated by guilt makes me less likely to take risks and experience the full spectrum of my humanity.